To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering
It gave me a realization on how frail we humans can be, on how we expect so much from life, and how we hope to lead a happy and fulfilling one. Now, with so much expectations we are so bound to the illusion that life is all rainbows and butterflies, that we forget about the harsh realities on what can befall us on our journey in life.
Life is full of suffering, Suffering is the result of attachment—- in this case, our attachment to our presumptions on life. Basically, we expect life to be something other than it is. We expect that we will always be fulfilled, and so we get angry and sad when we do not achieve it. We expect not to be poor, not to die, not to experience pain and loss—but we’re going to experience those things, and we further extend the difficulty by resisting it. By accepting the pain and not being attached to the imagined alternative version of life where that pain doesn’t exist, we can move through it.
I understood that I should stop being so mad at pain and loss. For it is a part of life. To stop making myself so miserable by wishing I could change things that I can’t change and beyond my control. I shall embrace life for what it is. ” well,it’s not like our hatred and judgement can change this aspect of life. One should just accept it and let yourself experience life as it is rather than life as you wish it would be.”
"Let go of what troubles you, and be free."
I realized that, I should not resort to procrastination. As it would inevitably lead me to re-evaluate my life decisions and force me to weep silently.
walking into the wrong class
9:30 am : slept early yesterday, and woke up late. (whut duh fuck body?).
Despite waking up late, I still managed to engage and tackle my daily regiment of manly endeavors (like what?), pick up dog shit in the living room, cook breakfast, and my dedication of working out to achieve a Chris Pratt physique. No School today.
around 12 noon : did school projects, while watching a Sherlock Holmes movie (The one that Robert Downy Jr. was in) and some art stuff in between. Then immediately got drained. (I dunno, I easily get exhausted when doing things in which I am compelled to do. Or things that I do not LOVE doing).
3 pm : Proceeded to my daily time of contemplation in which I smoke cancer sticks ( you know, those things commonly known as cigarettes?) and quietly weeping inside my mind about how I suck at doing art, and thinking that I am a failure for pursuing an ART DEGREE. (thank you for opening my eyes, PARADIGM the ADVENTURE GAME!! Look it up, people!)
4 pm : Continued doing art stuff. (experimentation with photoshop effects.)
6 pm : Resting, with so little accomplished. Contemplated about pregnancies… about how babies stay in the womb for 9 months, but when they come out they’re not considered 9 months old.
6:30 pm : The Witcher 2
8:05 pm : Art stuff.
10:10 pm : check shit out on the internet. (school updates in particular.)
11:02 pm : Thought about how I fucking hate cockroaches, those damn things. (hey, wanna know why we’re bothered by these things? It is because humans are hotwired to things that scuttle and… oh, nevermind it’s all egghead shit anyway.)
11:40 pm : now blogging about all this shit. and it is now bedtime for me. (yes, shut up about it. I sleep early… well, not that early.)
I once again reflected about what BANKSY said…
"They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.”
I guess being forgotten entirely is more terrifying than dying.